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Develop the Positive Animus vs. Self-Sacrificing Nurturer
Attaching fierce protective energy to ideas, opinions and relationships — like a mother bear fiercely protecting her cubs – can manifest in women as a chronic tendency to put others’ needs first. This sacrificing energy is a powerful force of the deeper feminine. For generations, self-sacrifice has epitomized our civilization’s notion of The 
Perfect Mother. In today’s world, motherhood often includes being a full-time breadwinner outside the home as well. So, while putting one’s ego needs aside for the sake of the children, ideals, or place of work is a very noble enterprise, it is important to look at the greater ramifications of these choices. We need to assess the actual benefits to be reaped for ourselves and others at various stages and in the different arenas of our lives. For example, self-sacrificing behavior is a positive thing when we put the health and well-being of our child over a desire to go out for drinks with a friend. And it can be a valuable character trait professionally; to work tirelessly towards a collective goal, without a constant need for praise and attention. At a certain point, however, too much selfless behavior can be detrimental to our deeper personal needs and to our expectations of career advancement as well.
Selfless Behavior Can Be A Problem
Archetypally, Perfect Mother energy ignores its own ego needs for the good of others. This is also known as being a Martyr, or a Self-Sacrificing Nurturer. Over time, the practice of putting others first becomes second nature and we find it almost impossible to ever put our own needs first. Truthfully, women expect to be noticed and rewarded for self-sacrificing behavior. Women are socialized in this way from early elementary school. The good girl, who generously shares her toys, follows the rules, supports the efforts of others, and works well as a team member, gets praised for being a good citizen and a positive role model in class. We then, carry these expectations with us into the workforce where the environment is generally, more hierarchically oriented and highly competitive. Working tirelessly for the 
collective good of the company is valued; up to a point. However, career advancement in the higher levels of the professional workplace is more often granted to strong, stand-out leaders who are willing to think independently and exhibit powerful charisma; behaviors that come from putting one’s own ego needs first. When hard-working, well-qualified, intelligent women are not rewarded appropriately for their contributions, they feel angry, disrespected, and hurt. Consistent disregard gives rise to self-doubt. This creates a serious self-esteem issue where highly capable women actually come to believe that they no longer deserve to be noticed!
The force to nurture others and put our own needs to the side is embedded deeply in our feminine nature. It can be extremely difficult for a woman to act in a way which puts her own needs first and foremost. There are ways to help us balance out our natural tendencies with choices that are more conducive to workplace competition. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy can help us recognize ways in which dysfunctional thoughts leading to ingrained patterns of behavior no longer serve our personal needs. Skills coaching can modify our behaviors and support more effective communication skills.
Filling the Chasm of Self-doubt
These tools however, will not fill the chasm of self-doubt that lies at the root of a woman’s inability to put her own ego needs first. We long to feel deep down that we are valuable enough to put ourselves first. We want to to feel safe enough to let go of the grip that the Self-Sacrificing Nurturer has controlling our psyche. And, we have to develop a strong enough relationship with our positive animus (masculine aspects of our inner self) in order to actually do it. Addressing these issues by working with dreams and active imagination can provide effective and lasting change on the deep levels of the psyche where this work must take place.
Visit my website posting entitled “Empowering the Positive Animus through Dream Work” to read about one woman’s exploration of these key self-esteem issues through working with a significant dream. Her experience offers us important information about how women may be holding themselves back from a more well-rounded development of the psyche. It demonstrates the deep and lasting transformation that is possible by addressing stuck aspects of the unconscious in this way.